MaryAnn, you’re the fucking lucky one.

“Aren’t we fucking lucky!?” – MaryAnnE

  

It’s never easy. Life isn’t easy. We all know on some conscious level that ends are coming. We know that our loved ones, our friends, our surrogate mothers will eventually pass away but in all truth we don’t think it’s really going to happen … at least not for years.

Earlier this morning I posted on the SaucyRoots Facebook page a comment that came to my mind about what happens when a good mother dies, it reads like this: “When the world loses the strength of a good mother, the pillars of the earth crack and crumble, shaking all to the core. Maybe it’s the memory foam I slept on last night that rings my headache strong but I’m pretty sure it was the trip down memory lane throughout the night that shook me to my core. The world is lop sided this morning as an entire pillar crumbles.”

  

One of the most beautiful, audacious souls that has ever come into my life left this world today while I softly rubbed her head and watched other family members search for their peace in the silence while waiting but the words to say good bye to the woman that came to be so amazingly dear was tough.

Stories after stories were told over the last couple days. So many laughs. Many of her titles came out. Mom. Mimi. Best friend. Friend. God-mother. My favorite? Unique. The rooms was full of laughter as the stories rolled on 70 years of history piled up in an hour and a half. We laughed so hard the tears would fall. The machines would beep then the tears would fall. Every  emotion imaginable was felt. We told stories of her as we listened to her favorite band “Blue October” and enjoyed one last spritz of “Organza” we knew she would want to go out smelling her best and she did!

  

She was a unique. If you were to ask anyone in our little community who knew of her, they would have a story to tell of her. “Yes! The awesome waitress at Downriggers! Love her!” She was perfect at meeting the needs of so many, anything from a pinch more salt in the soup to a side of ranch for your fries or a full on squeeze of a deeply heartfelt, sincere hug. 

The woman lead a life of adventure whether it was her own life or vicariously through the travels of others. She would listen so intently so that she could soak in every detail and every emotion that you felt, so she could experience your travel log with you. She hardly ever saw a sunrise but she soaked up more than her fair share of sunsets all over this world. She would come home from her travels and launch into full detail of the food she savored, the wines she shared, the pictures taken, the collected stories she added to her memory banks and the breves she convinced each barista in every country to make. Each story or moment told in full detail and complete utter passion. 

  

The woman I knew as my nother mother was nothing short of passionate. She lived her own way, she made her own rules, she wore what she wanted when she wanted – more often than not it was her pink terry cloth robe and pink spongy curlers on the front porch or a trip to the grocery store, with or without underwater and bra. Everyone expected such a sight but was shocked to see it every time.

She loved so deeply to the core of her own being … anyone that would open up even in the slightest bit … could experience MaryAnn to the fullest.

The one thing this beautiful soul could not intellectually fathom was cruelty, meanies, or bullies. She gave so much out of her heart in love, gave so much of her words and time in faith in humanity and she gave out so much of her soul in joy that when some one hurt her or someone she cared for, she would sob. It was as if she herself had just been inflicted with the worst torture device ever invented and the torment would never stop. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around the harsh words said, the heartbreaks of relationships, the unspoken hurtful actions that would send her home in tears of frustration. 

  

There will never be another MaryAnnE. There will always be another empty hole in our community, but the one thing I know I will be able to count on is the memories we built together, the heartaches she’s helped me bandage and the loving mothering way she helped mold me into becoming the woman I am today. 

I know I will never live the kind of life she did but I know if there is anything I can take away from our relationship it would be this: authentic, passionate love for my fellow human beings. 

Momma MaryAnn, I will miss you everyday. My heart breaks for the absence that I feel knowing your not right next door anymore, my tears fall for the little red haired monster that is curled up in my lap. I know he will never see you again but he doesn’t. I know it will break my heart to watch him run around your condo looking for you. I know that when I look through Christmas decorations and can’t bring home a hot pink high heel for your two foot Christmas tree it will make me sad. I know that I will never have to scrounge up winter wood for you that would take you to or three years to burn because God and everyone knew that you hated being hot and that you would run around half naked in the winter time. I know I can’t come curl up in bed with you and watch trashy tv with you when I want to get out of my own space. I know I won’t hear you yell my name anymore from across the parking lot. Most of all I know I can’t cry on your shoulder, I know you won’t be there to tell me things will work out for the best and then ask me twenty questions for the next 6 months about how this problem or that problem as fixed itself or progressed. 

Most of all I know my sister will never again have her pillar, your Brogan will no longer have his Mimi and the world will no longer have the strength of one grand, living-outside-the-pink-bow-wrapped-box mother … that pillar of passionate strength. 

So to you my beloved, MaryAnn I lift my rose champaign glass to you and the unbelievable life that you lived, the strength of character you developed and the passionate love you share with everyone.

My hope: That everyone who knew you will look beyond the everyday person that you were and take a piece of you forever in their heart.

My prayer: Is that the little piece we take from our memories of you sinks deep inside each one of us and builds a stronger sense of character, a stronger drive for compassion, and a stronger, deeper desire to share passionately love for all. 

  

Gawd, I’m going to miss you myfriend.

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