“Desire and fantasy go hand in hand to making reality jealous”. – Connie Cernik
de·sire … dəˈzī(ə)r/ … noun
noun: desire; plural noun: desires
1. A strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.”a desire to work in the dirt with your bare hands”
2. wish, want, aspiration, fancy, inclination, impulse; Moreyearning, longing, craving, hankering, hunger; eagerness, enthusiasm, determination; “a desire to see the world”
3. want, wish for, long for, yearn for, crave, hanker after, be desperate for, be bent on, covet, aspire to; Morefancy; have a yen for, have a jones for, yen for, hanker after/for
“they desired peace”
4. wished for, wanted, coveted; sought-after, longed for, yearned for, long-awaited;
must-have “the desired results”
express a wish to (someone); request or entreat.
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we could bring on ourselves”. – Federico Garcia Lorca
Life is a funny, fickle thing. At times we can find ourselves buried in the most interesting desires. Today we are talking about those desires that move and shake us to our cores. Not talking sexual desires. That’s a whole other blog post for a whole other day. Those desires that move us in directions we didn’t see coming at us. We can get so locked into our ways of thinking and our must-do checklists that ultimately get us what we really think we want and need for our futures but reality sinks in or as the quote above states desires and fantasies come into play making our realities jealous. So what is that? ? where do those come from? Shockers out of let field coming through! Beep, beep, excuse us for wrecking your previously designed life!
Here we go, waking up everyday, some of us get out our goals and review them, check them over markin’ off the ones we have succeeded at fulfilling and lookin’ on to the ones we have yet to conquer. We maintain a pretty good life that looks amazin’ on the outside ( so we think ) and we accomplish all we set out to do or we don’t depending on the understanding of that certain goal and the steps it would take to complete it. But, BUT, then we run smack dab in the middle of this on going investigation that our hearts have been involved with for decades. Wait!? What!? These thoughts, yearnings, they can not be surfacing now, so we think. These just don’t fit, they don’t match what we got goin’ on. So we open up that preverbal bag and shovel them thoughts right back in, tie up the bag and continue to haul it around. We dismiss them. We begin to take control.
“We betray our true selves when we do not follow the heart’s desire, for what the heart is attracted to, is your destiny”. – Leon Brown
We got this. We know exactly what life is all about and we don’t need any help figurin’ out say a soil sample, how to bag it, label it, and send it off to the nearest extension office. Bam! We have mastered that trick. The reality of the results will be easy to mend with the right minerals and such. Expected stuff, right?
Most of us that garden look at life with a completely different perspective. There is a magic that happens that we simply can not explain. It’s a magic that we crave. A magic that keeps us returning to the well tended soil spring after spring. There is just something deeply curious about a hard headed seed being pushed at least a half inch under the soil, watered and kept warm for a few days only to sprout and give life. How can so much energy, life, be crammed into something so small yet grow to be so big and to give so much of itself?
Pure unadulterated magic.
Seeds desire very little. They just know from their core who they are and what they are meant to do. Simple as pie. We humans are the only ones that can take a simple act and screw it up with what we think we were created for and what we were meant to do.
When we shovel our desires deep into that bag that we haul around we really do punish ourselves ( unknowingly probably ) into a belief that we are not or we can not do what those desires are driving us into. Little do we know that those desires may they be as small as the tiniest mustard seed and locked securely is a bag ( so we think ) still drive us. How do they do that!? Magic!
We have a sneaky feeling buried in our bellies that we know those desires of our hearts and once in awhile at a party or some sort of gathering we will let it slip that one of our truest desires is … you fill in the blank _________________. We let it slip because we want to test the waters of the validity of the desire and to test the waters with a reaction to the one listening.
Could we, could we really be happy if we let out and lived out the desires of our hearts? We are all just a bunch of lupin seeds waiting for the world to work us over enough with its grinding sand and shaking road sides so that we can get the courage to finally bust open and start embracing those desires. Until then we wait, we punish ourselves with the rocks and rough hilly ground grinding away at our shells. Our souls continue to take a beating.
“I desire very little but the things I do consume me”. – Beau Taplin
So what happens in that magical stage between hard shell and sprouts of life? That is all up to you. Recently, I saw a road sign that read that we create our own happiness by our own actions. At first this irritated me. Then as I passed it for a few days in a row it started to grow on me. Now I agree, it is our own actions that bring us happiness. Our choice to drop the bag of desires open it up and reach inside to embrace one or all those wonderful treasures. It is our missed opportunities that we carry around, it is our missed loves, our missed placed potential that we don’t want to plant and grow.
Once that bag is opened hold onto your socks! In fact, you may want to just tie them on, your world is about to be crushed and started over. Trust me this isn’t a bad thing. When I started to look a little deeper at life from the perspective of my dreams and hearts desires they started pointing me towards happiness, joy and ultimately a peace that I could never explain. Magic!
Now, those desires are on full view for anyone to see and comment on but most of all those desires have consumed me. I read about them, changed my lifestyle to support them, made hard decisions to keep those desires burning inside and best of all they drive me into the destiny that I was struggling so hard to stay clear from. I knew I wanted this new kind of life but honestly, didn’t want to be ridiculed for it. I was afraid. I was not trusting.
“I desire things which will destroy me in the end”. – Sylvia Plath
Mostly, I pushed back from the end; what the end of my life could bring. Now, that is a serious fear, a fear I no longer have or care about. The things that consume me are the things of life. They are the things that grow and grow others into life. They are the very things that seeds are made of, the very things that magic is created from. I read about my hearts desires, I study them to depths unnatural, I consume them to a point of exhaustion and literally need a couple days rest to soak in all that my mind, my will, and my emotions so they can have time to handle the new changes. Then I wait. Waiting is the hard part but I know each of those desires will flourish in me when the time is right. Until then the nurturing continues, I feed them, water them, give them more light by chasing away any sign of shadow or darkness.
In the end, I will be destroyed by these desires but my end will not be a bad ending. It will be full of life, full of good work, full of love and a life full of opportunities that were taken, entirely explored, and a life that pressed me into the person I was truly meant to be.